As a blended family, I say often to people, “The only steps in this house are the ones leading downstairs.”
Saying “step” before any name just seems distant and disconnected.
Family is family, regardless of title or blood.
We live in a day and age where split families are everywhere.
There are bonus moms and dads in a high percentage of children’s lives and many many extra family members to go with it.
Why? Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can you measure love? Pretty sure you can’t.
As a motto in our house, “Love is an action, not an emotion!”
I’ve been a “step” mom for almost 10 years. She turned 2 years old the day after I married her daddy.
She knows nothing else.
She doesn’t remember before I was a part of her life.
Within her memories, I’ve always been married to her dad.
I’ve always cared for her in (and sometimes out) of our home.
I’ve always been there for her, no matter what.
She knows my sincerest love.
She trusts my guiding hand.
She loves my open heart.
We joke about these quotes often.
“The divider of a family.”
“The damager of relationships.”
And whatever other horrible title you want to place on it.
Truly, it’s not that funny.
And can we stop for a minute and talk…
*Stepping upon soap box*
*Taps on mic*
Why? Tell me why?
Step dads are HEROS!
“Oh, they stepped up to the plate of loving kids that were not their own!”
“Look at him, He provides for his whole family.”
“What a wonderful male role model.”
Seriously? Like are you kidding me right now?
As Stephanie Tanner would say on Full house, “How rude!”
Where is their bad rap?
This is not to say that there isn’t dead beat (I don’t even like that term) step parents all around the world.
There are many a step mom and dad that don’t reach their full potential and honestly don’t want too.
Boo to you!
But…there are the ones that love their children, build a relationship and actually have an amazing, well rounded life as a family unit.
But why? Why is it so hard?
For years… and I mean YEARS!
They have painted this filthy picture of a family unit, specifically zoning on how horrible and abusive step mothers are.
Let’s think about it.
A Cinderella Story
Even the movie entitled “Stepmom” really doesn’t portray a wonderful side for us little people.
The list goes on forever, even in adult movies.
Lots and lots and lots of them.
So I ask you movie directors, book writers, play producers…
What’s up with that??
What did we ever do to you?
This desensitizes a human from such a young age to the love and support one could get from a step mother.
It subconsciously creates a wall built up towards accepting an unconditional loving relationship.
Everywhere you go, spouting the name “stepmom” raises eyebrows, enforces stares and creates inaccurate scenarios.
Knock it off!
You are mistaken!
I am so grateful that my daughter has been able to see through this.
But even before she moved into my home at the age of 10, someone told her…
“She may be nice to you now, but as soon as you move in, your step mom will change. She will become mean and treat you terribly.”
She was literally contemplating the fact that I may INDEED treat her differently.
Obviously, that was quickly proven that wrong.
Shame on you who wavered her trust in me.
Where is the love?
The family unit?
Movies and books, starting centuries ago are displaying such a raw false view of the relationship one and all could have with a stepmother.
Not just with the child.
But other children.
The other mother.
I understand completely that God’s perfect picture and realistically His desire for a family was one man, one woman…no divorce, no split families.
And although I desire that strongly for my children, God had a different plan for my life.
Since being raised in a strong Christian household and church, I struggled for years about my marital decision.
I married a divorced man and many a person scoffed at me for it.
Did I make a mistake?
Was this not the plan for my life?
Will I be miserable?
10 years later, I can without a doubt tell you how incredibly perfect and blessed my life has been.
Through the ups and downs, God has stationed in my heart this was the will He had for my life.
To marry this man.
To foster many children.
To defy odds and give birth to a baby girl.
To adopt my babies.
To prove countless stories and movies wrong, and be the best step mom I could to this little girl.
She doesn’t cook and clean for me.
I do that for her.
She doesn’t wear rags.
She has nicer clothes than I do.
She isn’t thrown into the attic.
Her room is beautifully decorated just how she wants.
She isn’t treated differently than the other children.
Most people can’t tell which are step, bio, adopted or foster.
I love her more than I ever realized I could love a child.
She is my daughter.
I am her mom.
Thanks to the media we were raised on…
You have done your best to forever taint my role and character as mother.
I have risen above you!
I have conquered your description!
I have chosen love!
I will forever be…
her strong friend,
Her fearless supporter,
Her witty cheerleader,
Her faithful defender,
Her biggest fan,
And her crazed happiness.
I will forever be hers!